Want it So Bad | March 4, 2009

I lie in bed, staring at my revolving ceiling fan, shadows flickering on the popcorn ceiling in my aunt and uncle’s guest bedroom. My friend Steve and I talk late on the phone; he in Chicago, still taking classes, I in Colorado. Steve was one of my best friends at college - well, he was first my crush, until he told me he was gay. Then we really became friends. I tell him about my work, about bible study, and you - all about you.

He tells me about classes, about mutual friends, about his own crushes, and we reach the pause at the end of a conversation that signals the moment to hang up. That’s when I ask him - “Steve, do you think I’ll get married one day?”

Want it So Bad | March 4, 2009

Hearing - January 28, 2009 - Part 2

“Is this your house?” I say slipping off my Chuck Taylors, and resting them near the pile of shoes that has formed in the tile entryway.

“No,” you say, “It’s my parent’s house… they’re letting me crash here so I can save up to buy my own place.”

“Cool. Nice sweater, by the way,” I say.

“You like it?" you say. I nod and smile: your sweater is grey wool with red and blue snowflakes covering your upper chest and shoulders. You look like you've walked out of a Swedish Christmas catalog from the '80s.

You smile proudly. "I just found it today at a thrift store. Three bucks for this!” you say, pointing at your chest.

“Great find,” I say. “I like to go thrifting myself.”

“Well, you’ve got to check out the Goodwills around here…” you say as someone calls you from the living room. You turn your head, and then look back at me—“I’ve got to check on that. Just head on into the living room whenever you’re ready. Put your coat anywhere,” you say, already walking away.

Hearing - January 28, 2009 - Part 2